Are You Afraid People Will Find Out You Actually Suck?
People compliment you about something and you deflect--giving credit to luck, chance, or something you have no control over. In reality, you are hard on yourself for not being perfect. You might also suffer from Imposter Syndrome. Up to 70% of people have reported to experiencing some level of Imposter Syndrome in the workplace.
Imposter syndrome can be defined as persistent feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt despite having external success. In other words, you secretly feel like a failure. You feel ashamed that you’re the only one who doesn’t know what they’re doing.
How do you overcome it?
Recognize these thoughts and feelings when they come up. Being aware is the key. Staying conscious of these thoughts helps us realize when our broken record of self-doubt starts playing.
Reframe your thoughts. Ask yourself, “Does everyone else feel like they are 100% confident 100% of the time?” Chances are, the answer is no. If you have failed at something in the past, try reframing your thoughts from “I’m a failure” to “I have more learning to do on this topic.”
Give yourself compassion. Once you catch yourself in negative self-talk it’s time to replace it with self-compassionate words. Recognize that you are human and nobody is born knowing everything.
Talk to yourself like you would to a good friend. You would never tell a good friend some of the things you tell yourself. Replace “I don’t know what I’m doing” with “I might not know everything, but I’ll figure it out.”
Seek support. This could be an empathetic friend, coach or therapist. Being secretive about your self-doubt continually feeds the belief that you’re the only person who doesn’t know what they’re doing. As shame and vulnerability researcher Brene Brown says, “Shame depends on me buying into the belief that I'm alone. Shame cannot survive being spoken.”
Ultimately, the words you say to yourself matter. Self-limiting beliefs will hold you back from pursuing your goals and what you truly want in life. Reframing your thoughts to a self-compassionate mindset is the way to a more fulfillment.
Contact me at donna@donnalieu.com for help in reframing your mindset.
Donna Lieu is a certified success coach and mindfulness meditation instructor. She uses neuroscience-backed mindfulness techniques to help her clients reduce stress, get more present, and make positive long-lasting changes in their lives.